Personal Darkness (Poem)

It seems that i’m seen as crazy just because I have issues trying to fit into society even though I’m trying to keep up a façade just to hope no one questions the constant sadness I feel as I have nothing but gray and black skies with no light that goes through them

I brush on the plants dead and yet almost still alive they react to nothing they judge not and they have nothing bad to say about me

I lay on my pillow filled with tears and look at the walls that have watched years of sadness in an almost perfect show with no one around to hear or see

Can anyone hear me call

Did anyone hear me cry

Was anyone here at all to help

No and through the pain I stood my ground against it all

My personal darkness the fantasy and reality of my life lets not meet again.


Regeneration (Poem)

Like a tree I was cut down and my braches and leaves were all taken from me leaving me bare and alone

My arms could stretch still but my heart and breath were stunted leaving me disabled of oxygen that we all need to live

I was slowly dying for the pain within my body even a simple stretch from my legs turned into a sensation of my brain literally burning with pain

My eyes could do nothing but close and cry while the rain fell on me giving me nothing but a cold wetness

And while everyone was busy I was became a soul that stands in the corner and just watches no one asked if I was okay or wanted to help me

Slowly I was beginning to die from my injuries but my soul found its way to the universe only to come back.

Pushing through the pain I stretch I chant and I meditate I let it all out

I began to fix my body and my body began to thank me with such wonderful air that filled my lungs with life

My leaves grew back I was reconnected to my roots and my braches grew back stronger than ever

Even today my braches still work to make themselves stronger than yesterday

And one step forward I still take with the knowledge I gained I share

And with the love I hold I try to project into this cruel world

With no regeneration.

Seoul In Flight And Body In Freedom (Poem)

In the morning’s sun rise I look to the clear sky changing from pink and yellow to a beautiful clear blue

I run and bend through this sidewalk of life with eyes open wide to the illusion of this world we live in

Powers beyond the understanding of many people fill my body giving me the energy to keep going

With my soul in desire of freedom I feel like io can fly far above the clouds

And my body although heavy is able to bend twist and form to what I need

I learned to live and learned to let go I turn my face against the sun and towards the wind letting the energy of life enter me

People came and people went some closer than others

And some who I miss dearly and still hold in my heart

But i’m still alive with a seoul in flight.

Dying New Life (Poem)

How long can an act go on before others realize that there’s something wrong with you

I lost the energy to keep on the act knowing that i’m tired and sore from it all

I feel like a flower that begins to die after the colder seasons begin to come and i start to slowly loose my petals and the butterflies and bees leave or die off

I try to draw a master piece of my life only to later have it turn into a mess

I wait for you and wish you could just hold my hand and we both can finally fall in love

Alone i stand in a forest of misery with no one here to help at all
i still see the sun shining above me and the warmth makes me feel a bit better

With enough strength i begin to stand and face the new day and new life.

Inspired By The Song “你不是我” By Ailing Tai


What’s Been Going In School Lately (Story Time/Rant)

So nothing big has been going on in school much.

Not so long ago I went to my counselor to ask her about an online program that I can take for foreign language (I take Spanish but I mostly wanted to take an online program for mandarin Chinese). The school doesn’t have an online program but these programs are run by the city and they can be utilized as a form of “credit recovery” It would be very beneficial for me because i’ll be doing a language that I want to do and then I won’t have to worry about being near other people because i’ll be by myself and have a teacher that I can stay in contact with over the phone or through the program (maybe).

The counselor wanted me to tell my mom to send her a copy of the program so that she and another higher up. My mom later on sends the counselor a pdf file of it and later on my mom tells me that she was talking with the counselor and the counselor told her that…….I couldn’t get put on the program because they don’t have any mandarin speaking certified instructors in the building so even if I take the program they wouldn’t acknowledge the class and I won’t be given a credit for it. That kind of broke me because for the most part becides math i’m struggling with foreign language is the second most troubling class for me because i’m struggling to bits in it.

Even though i’m in the second half of the program I literally have no choice but to just show up and sit there. What’s hard about it is that I don’t know the pronouns of the Spanish language even though it was shown to the entire class more than once it just never sunk in for me. So while everyone else is advancing I’m literally stunted doing almost close to nothing I just show up and copy down whatever’s on the board.

The teacher on the other hand likes to be funny and try to speak mandarin knowing he doesn’t even know what he’s even saying. He then likes to think he’s funny and call me “Ni Hao” for no reason (Ni hao means hello but the exact translation of it means You Good). He then once went around the school telling the teachers I speak Korean just because I said hello to him in that language. And then what really set me off the most was how he literally tried to insult me in Japanese by calling me the name of a car company.

What I do know is that the school also has Italian and so I’m just thinking of taking that next year because there’s almost nothing else I’m able to do (The school literally has multiple levels of both Spanish and Italian so it goes beyond 3)

“I’ve learned to lose, I’ve learned to win
I turn my face against the wind
I will move fast, I will move slow
Take me where I have to go.” -Lisa Miskovsky “Still Alive”