Warning this story may be upsetting to some

Well when i was off from school from spring break i kind of noticed how i had some issue feeling my heart and that i thought it could be because i kind of gained a bit of weight

Then i soon started to feel minor chest pains after a few days and since my heart rate was kind of slow i thought that it could stop at any moment and that i could die from it

But ever since last year my heart has been slowing down a lot

And i guess it’s because life took it’s toll and i’m not always a happy person

For the last 4 years of my life (From 2012- to now) i fell into depression a lot and i have harmed myself i sometimes use to wish how i would just leave this earth

But something always prevented me from leaving

There was that one part of me that wanted to live and that one part of me that wanted to know what life had to offer

I never really had any friends in real life so i played on roblox and i met some very wonderful users over the years and they became good friends and we all in some way could relate to a lot of things

it was only until last year (9th grade) where i actually had a real friend and still do

He went through hell when he was a kid and still goes through hell now

I knew that because i have this kid in my life and that we were going to be good friends i knew i had to keep myself alive no matter how much it hurts me

When i started to slowly hate high school and how the admins would act towards the students in my class and how sometimes the students would turn on each other (It happens)

My everything that i was trying to leave in the past came back to me

I Got even more depressed and then i at one point started cutting myself till i saw blood and then i soon saw my mistake i was cleaning up my gash saying to myself i’m sorry over and over again

And i hate to say it but i really do think this is my last and final chapter and just today i went to the doctors office without my mom and the lady at the desk said something about how the insurance was not verified and i don’t know what that was to mean

she then tells me to go to i believe family medicine and i soon go and i wait in their waiting room and no one was at the desk

I waited and waited and waited no one showed up and i was like fine whatever

I soon got up and just went home when i soon got home i check my missed calls and i realized that my mom called and i soon call her back and we talk for a bit and i might just go back on monday

I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen and i sometimes get nervous that if i die who’s going to watch my friend when i’m gone

Who’s going to be there when he needs someone to talk to and what’s going to happen to him when he has no one

I can’t say that my life was always bad my family (Especially my mother) Tried their best to make sure i have a better life then they did and i’ll always be thankful for that

The thoughts never left my head

I sometimes feel scared to fall asleep because i might not wake up

But if i ever died the only thing i can say is thank you to everyone for viewing my content on this blog and thank you for viewing my content on my other accounts

And thank you to the one’s who actually listen and all i can say is i hope you all have a wonderful happy and healthy life

Thanks for reading – Garden


One thought on “MY Health (A bit of a story)

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